Why Does Self care even matter?

Self-care is a phrase that is now so freely dropped into conversations.

What springs to mind when you say those words to yourself?

Me-time? A long soak in the bath? A beauty ritual?

Maybe your self-care goes a little deeper than the care for our external body but is something that leaves you feeling internally nourished, an act of care for your soul.

Maybe for you, a bit of time is set aside for meditation or conscious breathing, weekly yoga, being in nature, dancing, listening to music, being on your own?

No act of Self-Care is right or wrong, it can change daily or weekly but that act of putting YOUR needs first is what ultimately matters.

Today I as write down these thoughts, it is a beautiful Sunday morning.

I made a powerful choice to place my phone in another room & to only answer a call from a friend or family member. Nothing else.

I am way happier on the days when I barely dip into social media.

I made some beautiful black tea for myself & my (still asleep) husband, & then I put away all the clothes that were covering my favourite hot pink chair (there was a rule apparently, that no clothes shall ever be draped over this chair that I had re-covered… ahem…anyway…).

I picked up my book & sat & read in a now uncluttered chair, I drank my tea & read my book… absolute bliss.

This was an act of self-care. I didn’t want to lose that Sunday morning vibe so I purposely avoided going downstairs, if I went downstairs I would start tidying up.

Nope.

I wanted to read my book while the house was quiet, with no tech around me, no adverts, no pop ups, no waiting for those few seconds when you can skip the advert.

Just a book, my tea & me.

The book I was reading & still return back to is Radiant Rest by Tracey Stanley. It is absolutely wonderful.

Reading this deeply insightful & beautifully written book about Yoga Nidra is in itself an act of selfcare, to practice any of the wonderful teachings she offers within the book will help you to embody it.

To describe something to someone is possible but you have to experience it & feel it to truly understand.

Let's take the example of trying an amazing piece of chocolate...you can savour it, describe it, but unless the other person actually tastes it, they cannot understand & have a shared experience with you. 

As I read Tracey’s words there was a sentence that as simple as it seemed, felt so profound & I needed re-read a few times.

“Self-care helps us to move beyond the limits that others have placed on us”.

What hit me the most & what was re-affirmed to me by these words was this;

Self-care is the ultimate step towards empowerment.

Once we take an action, however small, once we begin to put the care of our SELF in our own hands & see it is our responsibility,

We become free.

No longer are you in the loop of “expectation” and feeling let down because the reality vs expectation is out of balance.

Your care, your happiness can come from you. 

This doesn’t mean we close ourselves off. Far from it, love & receive love with an open heart but never depend on it & never expect it.

 

Yes of course self-care can be a holiday.

It can be sitting and reflecting on how you really feel after an hour of scrolling on social media

It can be reading a book that you get lost in

It can be a massage & self-massage

It can be a walk 

It can be gardening or creating a house-plant oasis within your home

It can be making jewellery

It can be music

It can be writing

It can be painting

It can be swimming

It can be listening to a podcast

Do you know what your needs are? 

It’s wonderful if you do but there are a lot of people out there that may feel a little lost. They have put themselves last for so so long, they have forgotten what lights them up, or could ignite a shift towards the beauty of self-care.

 

Can I share something with you?

If anyone was to “judge” or “assess” anything I’d ever painted – it would be deemed pretty dreadful (seriously) but… the utter joy I have found in messing around with water colours, having a play with colours & shapes feels AMAZING.

Here is another few words I came across a few years ago & this also hit me so hard…

“I held myself back because I thought you had to be an artist in order to start making art”

Did you used to love drawing? Did you stop at some point in your life due to a comment that knocked your confidence?

Apply the above to anyone that has ever taken the shine away from something you truly enjoyed.

 I’ll leave that with you.

I have an overwhelming urge to write when something inspires me but I’m not a writer, my grammar is most probably awful but my words and thoughts are all from my heart. That is what matters to me most.

I digressed a little. My point is, self-care can be anything you want it to be.  

So self care matters because YOU matter. You are a unique strand of light & energy in this entire universe & you will never exist again in the form you are now.

Your needs count, your dose of happiness, you seeking out new things that light you up or revisiting things that did that for you as a child/teenager.

Don’t wait for anyone. 

Keep taking care of YOU.

 

Big love

Deborah

 

 

Self-Enquiry Questions

What was the care like that you received from your parent/s?

Did you feel listened to?

Were you overlooked for another sibling or put on a pedal stool?

How does this impact your life now?

Do you feel supported & loved within your current relationship? Listened to? Supported emotionally?

Where do you put your needs, after everyone else is cared for? or just now & then when it’s possible?

How much are you compromising your needs?

What did you used to feel passionate about?

When do you feel most at ease & happy?

 Do you need to learn how to rest? 

I cannot recommend the book Radiant Rest by Tracey Stanley enough. 

In gratitude to such inspiring teachers like Tracey 

 

 

I’ve reached a point where I question…everything.

Every belief

Every limiting thought.

Every time I hold back.

Every time I feel uncomfortable.

None of the above is at all overwhelming. Quite the opposite, the questioning is very liberating.  It’s like seeing things with shiny new eyes (even though mine in reality actually need more help than ever).

 

Here is an example and believe me, in the grand picture, it’s nothing.

But…these “nothings” that we have, these break through moments allow us to stand taller, understand ourselves without the veils of illusions (maya) obscuring what has been there all along. Truth. Ourselves.

A very close friend once suggested the following,

“ You should change your Instagram name to DeborahGreenYogaQueen, it sounds great & is so catchy”.

My head said,  “Firstly, who am I to assume that I’m good enough to even think about giving myself such a title (I know – like it’s an actual title that exists) no, I’m not good enough + what would people think + I’d encourage all of those weirdos on social media that love to argue + what would people think + I’m not that kind of teacher + it would give off a false impression of me that I think I’m better + would people believe that actually thought I was the Queen of yoga +  I have worked hard on not being a showy instagramy knob-head + also…what would people think, will they think I have a massive ego??

Exhausting eh?

 

So… roll on a few years & I’m working with a friend as a case study for her coaching program & I had to look at archetypes and answer lots of questions etc etc.

(*there are some amazing articles of archetypes out there so I shall list them at the end as I cannot begin explain them as well as people who specialize in this arena or delve into the different types & details but if you are unsure & less familiar then please enjoy a rabbit-hole of exploring archetypes as it is fascinating)

In our coaching session, my friend begins to explain my results & we discuss my highest scores but also my least expressed score within the archetypes.

Yup – my least expressed archetype is the QUEEN.

As we delved deeper & explored why I tend to actively avoid that role, I knew it had kinda been driven by the shitty statements I’d carried with me since I was an early teen & from an ex-boyfriend who genuinely delighted in telling me that I couldn’t teach yoga as I couldn’t sit in the lotus position.

Do you know what? I still can’t sit in the lotus position but I’ve been teaching for 18 years this year. 

You may recognise some of these statements from your formative years sadly.

She thinks she’s IT

(Let me clarify, not IT like the creepy clown but IT as in , very special…maybe like a queen???)

She’s such a show off

She loves herself

She such a bighead

 Growing up,  I heard that directed at me (a lot) but also at any girl that dared walk taller & show signs of inner/outer confidence. Yes I’m guilty of thinking this about others too.

So, to be accepted, you have to mould yourself in a very particular way. Hide who you are, play small. And I did.

Then I went to college to study dance & choreography & found a whole bunch of amazing souls around me that wanted to express themselves fully, that wanted to pretend that they were like the “Kids from Fame”, that danced around the cafeteria (we actually did), that acted, sang & danced with complete & utter freedom. I thought this was normal behaviour. To have fun. It felt normal, I felt like I'd found my people.

Then… I hit my early 20’s and thought I should do something a little more serious & I convinced myself that a degree in Psychology was the way.

Part of me died it was so dull, but the people? My people? Where were they?

Suddenly I was with very serious people who sucked the soul right of me. I hated it. I got my degree but I hated it & felt so penned in & small.

Then in my mid to late 40’s something bloody magical happened to me.

Perimenopause, life, reading, silence, meditation, wisdom.

Perimenopause gets such a bad rap but it is also very liberating.

Your tolerance for bullshit drops.

Your energy becomes SO precious that I believe you start to shed a lot of stuff that never belonged to you in the first place because you simply cannot continue holding on to all of the crap. It's too exhausting. 

( I need to add in here that after my shitty, controlling ex , I met my husband & we have a daughter & he is absolutely amazing, supportive & importantly we let each other “be” – keeping that very short & sweet)

So back to it….

How long do we carry the stories we’ve told ourselves, or been told or unfortunately believed? Sometimes we never drop them but… if you can at least start to question, the truth starts trying to peek out.

The truth is so powerful and always wants to be free.

The stories & crap we believe about ourselves has a different energy, it feels heavy, like holding heavy bags of rocks.

Put them down. See how it feels? I love the feeling. Everything feels lighter.

Although this is a blog on something quite small, just by questioning my limiting thoughts, led to big answers.

Questioning all of that lead me to a truth in relation to why I played small & why I couldn’t playfully call myself that daft name on insta.

Just by questioning. 

So...with a smile I changed my Instagram name to;

DebGreenMeditationQueen

https://www.instagram.com/debgreenmeditationqueen/

 

Below are some links to archetypes articles  - enjoy.

https://www.themoonschool.org/

https://sheroserevolution.com/shanijay/divine-feminine-archetypes/

https://oneofmany.co.uk/blog/how-the-womens-powertypes-can-be-useful-in-daily-life/

 

 

 

 

My top tips for a developing a deeper sleep.

I'm not going to discuss sleep & how important it is as we all know this. Instead lets getting straight to it. 

Also, know that I feel your pain... many years ago I had bouts of insomnia & even now I need things to be a "certain way" for me to drift off & I've had countless of those  "3/4am wide awake" nights. It's horrible.

So let's get to the good stuff...  

Firstly, try to ensure that you begin winding down before your head touches the pillow.

Try not to drink anything late into the evening - we all know that alcohol initially relaxes you yet is actually a stimulant but aside from this, your bladder will very happily wake you up at 3/4 am ruining what could have been a great sleep.

Make sure your phone is on silent during the evening & try not to use it an hour before bedtime & avoid bringing into the bedroom if you can & if you have to place it far away from your bed.

Be mindful of the TV you watch before you go to sleep,  I avoid watching anything heavy or disturbing late evening & prefer light hearted comedy.

Find a lovely podcast or audio books & play at a low volume to help you to drift & to distract you from busy thoughts.

Use a bedtime sleep mist.

Try keeping a notebook/journal close at hand & if you sense that your head is buzzing allow it to flow out onto the pages, this form of expression allows you to release & can be as therapeutic (if not more) as a talking to a good friend.

Recapitulate your day. Simply take yourself back to the start of your day and find 15/20 points during your day that take you back to where you are now. Recapitulate, without any judgement, just observe yourself like you are watching a character in a film.

Now go to your face… start around your eyebrows and feel them drop, go down to your eyes, allow the muscles behind them to fully release & (this is the important bit) let your eyes roll towards your cheeks. Finish with dropping tension from your jaw, allowing the mouth to open slightly…

Notice your breath & for a few minutes start to slow it down, counting it silently

Inhale 1..2..3 & exhale 1..2..3..4..5..

Then… add in a gentle pause after the inhale & begin to feel as though your exhales are taking you into a beautiful, restful state, deeper & deeper....

Don’t overthink it, you will find that as you begin to drift off, your breathing will drop into its natural rhythm again.

I feel I need to add here the relief I have found from CBD oil. 

After a recent episode of absolutely non-existant sleep I found CBD oil to be extremely effective. On another interesting side-note it also helped me with inflammation pain so I will be sticking with it.

I am not sponsored by any brand at all but one I have found to help me sofar is 

https://cannaraycbd.com/

 

Let me know if any of the above help.

Night night xx

 

 

When you feel your nerves are spiralling and you just need 5 minutes to find your zen, here are 3 crystals (Ameythst, Rose Quartz & Moonstone ) and beautiful affirmations that will guide you back to YOU, so you feel grounded, at ease & are able to truly enjoy & appreciate every single part of your day.

Choose the crystal that you are most attracted to, trust your intuition as you will be naturally drawn to a particular crystal. Once you have chosen your crystal, wash it & let it dry in the sunlight or moonlight.

Find a quiet space in your home, & simply become aware of your breath, aware of the energy of your chosen crystal as you hold it in your hand. Sit comfortably without any distractions (phone) and feel your breath moving through your body, feel that your beautiful belly is soft & relaxed.

If you were drawn to Ameythst – this beautiful purple crystal is connected to your intuition & wisdom & is a beautiful crystal that helps to bring clarity & peace.

Mantras to use while holding Ameythst

“I listen to my intuition “

“I trust my intuition”

“feeling peaceful is my super power”

“I feel grounded & calm”

 If you are drawn to Rose Quartz – this stunning pink crystal is deeply connected to the heart, forgiveness & compassion.

 Mantras to use while holding your Rose Quartz

“I am enough”

“I release all my fears”

“I forgive my inner critic”

“I deeply love myself”

 If you are drawn to Moonstone – this crystal is connected to inner strength & growth & promotes calmness & soothes away anxiety.

Mantras to use while holding your Moonstone

“I can move forwards with peace”

“ I am calm & peaceful”

“ I feel at ease & supported”

 Once you have meditated with your crystal a few times, the key is to keep it with you so when you hold it again, you feel anchored to the emotions & mantras that you have ingrained into it, you feel the connection between you, your crystal & the power of your words & you can enjoy your amazing day.

 

Home is a place where we (should) feel safe & protected. These are our basic needs. But what if your home doesn’t have a space for your soul to sit?

Your home, that you have furnished & decorated & that you love dearly may not offer you a place for the spiritual side you may wish to explore.

For me, I adore bathrooms & I am a total “bath-lover” but I associate my bathroom with creams & potions, a place where I can ease my muscles in a deep bath but I know that the bath will cool off & I need get out to dry-off etc & I am without a doubt relaxing but my mind is still active.

Creating a special place in a quiet room will transform your yoga/meditation practice & ultimately offer you a place for stillness, for you to come home to you. Stillness is essential & silence…

“silence is essential. We need silence, just as much as we need air, just as much as plants need light. If our minds are crowded with words & thoughts, there is no space for us”

THICH NHAT HANH

 

Unless you live off-grid & are really limiting screen-time, we are bombarded with more information in ONE DAY that our parents & grandparents were in their entire lifetimes (I have no statistics to actually prove this but we know it’s true!!). We, more than ever, need a place within our homes to retreat to.

So.. where should you create your space?

There are a few helpful rules or guidelines..

For example, try a find a quiet room & if you can only spare a small amount of space within the quiet room then that’s perfect. I have included a wonderful little door banner inside the www.kulakarmabox.com , that sits on the door handle with a “Ssssh it’s yoga time” – a great little solution to ensure some peace & quiet.

Organise the space – if you are staring at clutter it will only feel like another distraction & another job. Remove as much clutter as possible.

Think about your comfort – it really matters – if you don’t like sitting on the floor then find a chair – cover it in a throw if you want it to have a different look & keep cushions close by for back support. It is worth having a light blanket nearby that will keep you warm if needed so you don’t have to disturb yourself by going off looking for these things.

You could create a special shelf/alter or a box covered in a beautiful piece of material.

You can place crystals, beach shells, affirmation cards that resonate with you, fresh flowers or a house plant, pictures of places or people/gods/angels that are special or inspiring to you & beautiful candles.

The flickering flame whether it is from a fire, camp fire or a candle stirs something inside us. We light candles to celebrate life & birthdays, to remember loved ones, to create a relaxing or romantic vibe. Lighting a beautiful candle can signify the start of your meditation or yoga practice & become a beautiful symbol of light. You can silently whisper an affirmation as you light your candle & this is said to strengthen the intention, it can be something as simple but as deeply worthwhile as a few words of gratitude.

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle & the life of the candle is not shortened.

Happiness never decreases by being shared”

Buddha

Have you tried using a candle to decrease your stress-levels? Here is a lovely meditation, https://www.yogajournal.com/meditation/candle-ritual-for-stress

Returning to your meditation space daily or when you have set some time aside, will begin to create a positive energetic vibe which will grow into beautiful sacred energy. Your mind will subconsciously “know” when you enter your space that it will find some relief. Your mind will instinctively associate your space with stillness, with calm & peace & those connections will help reconnect you back to your true self.

Having a place for you just “be” is a gift  - the ultimate act of selfcare.